5/16/2010
1 Comment
Nice job. Good draft. Some comments:-the "revolution" part of your thesis/argument is unclear. What is revolutionary?-Youtube video should be taken out. It is not academically serious enough and it's too long.-Generally good use of bullets and images but it does get too texty at times.-Each page should have a meaningful title and a topic sentence. After that, phrases and bullets.-Overall, a real nice draft. 45/50
Eliza S. and Melina M.
May 2010
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